This is my last Dirty Stuff column. Been gunna do this for a while, because at age 86, my eyes are that bad that I cannot see proper anymore, even with a 30-inch computer monitor.

First published in the February 2026 issue of Street Machine

It is now a little over 40 years since I wrote the first batch of three Dirty Stuff columns for Phil Scott, then the brand-new editor of Street Machine, which had just been bought by Australian Consolidated Press (ACP). Phil knew I had been writing a column for Wheels magazine for years called Dirty Wheels, so he got me on board.

My first piece appeared in the November-December 1985 issue. I wrote about the morning when local tuner Barry Bromhall turned up in a near-new Morris 850 Mini and said he wanted to show me something he’d just done. As I’ve always been an unsuspecting bunny, I got in and looked at the twin throats of a 40mm DCOE side-draught Weber carb poking through the instrument panel where the Mini speedo had been. Then that damn Barry floored the accelerator, and in an instant, the cabin of that car was filled with a mass of blue flame. The engine had backfired, lighting up the internals of the Weber and blowing that back into me, setting my hair on fire! I lost my eyebrows too, and I didn’t talk to Barry for a month.

Then I wrote about the mad Irishman who had an EH Holden Premier, which had a habit of blowing the cap clean off the distributor while the 179 engine was running. That really bugged this bloke, so the last time this happened, he walked backwards three times around the EH while saying Hail Marys, in a desperate attempt to drive out the demons afflicting him.

I got given the car to fix after that, and found that the cause of the problem was just a hole in the vacuum advance unit of the distributor. The primitive down-draught Stromberg carburettor was running rich, and the small-diameter vac advance pipe was plugged into the intake manifold just below that. So raw fuel was running down the pipe and into the dizzy, where it ignited and blew the cap off. Turns out he wasn’t cursed after all!

We used to do a lot of sessions on a chassis dyno, sorting out engine tuning. One day, we had a Ford Galaxie up on the rollers, sorting out what the owner had done to the 427 engine – things like more compression, a full roller cam kit, a big four-barrel Holley, and Mallory ignition; all good stuff. We were just about to close off after the last successful run when there was a noise: a light, high rattle. I did not like the sound of that, so I talked to the Galaxie’s owner, telling him we had better lift off the intake manifold, just to check.

We did that, and there it was. With roller cams, the followers carrying the rollers that run on the cam lobes are always linked in pairs so that they don’t turn and present a stationary blind side to the lobe. But there in the valley, we could see one of these links had broken, allowing a follower to turn 90 degrees, which had most likely taken out that cam lobe!

There have been thousands of stories like these over the four decades of this column. My wife Jan has had to put up with my bad language when I made mistakes because I couldn’t see the stuff on my computer screen. She’s been a huge help with the necessary paperwork, sending invoices and keeping my record book up to date. Editor Broads has also been great, occasionally sending me a gentle reminder when my column was due.

Finally, thanks to my audience for reading my stuff. It’s been a great 40 years writing Dirty Stuff for Street Machine, and it stopped me eating barbecued bandicoot and casseroled kangaroo! But the garage is now closed.